College football “experts” are stealing money. Straight up. They’re getting paid millions to do what every drunk guy at a bar does every Saturday: guess. The difference is these guys get a camera, a suit, and an ESPN paycheck to tell you things they don’t even believe.

Every year it’s the same circus. Same faces on TV, same podcasts, same “analysts” who treat hype like gospel. They slap Texas and Penn State at the top of the rankings because it feels right, not because it makes sense. Then they spend three months pretending to be shocked when those teams fold like cheap tents in November.

Let’s start with Texas. The media can’t help themselves. Arch Manning walks in and suddenly they act like the second coming of Peyton just touched down in Austin. The kid has the right last name, that’s it. He hasn’t beaten a real defense, hasn’t won a meaningful game, and yet every camera in America is pointed at him like he’s already punched his ticket to the College Football Playoff. They love him because “Manning” sells. It’s legacy marketing disguised as analysis.

And look, maybe Arch ends up being great. But let’s call it what it is right now, a hype job. A full-blown, name-driven, click-chasing PR campaign. The “experts” throw him into the Heisman conversation before he’s thrown a pass in a big moment. If he ends up balling out, they’ll scream “I told you so!” for the next decade. If he flames out, they’ll spin it as “he just needs time.” Either way, they win. Never accountability. Never a real take that risks being wrong.

Then there’s Penn State. My God. Every single season it’s the same script: “This is the year. Look at the talent.” I’ve heard that line so many times I could recite it in my sleep. Here’s the reality. James Franklin is a good recruiter, not a great coach. Every year he fields a roster loaded with four- and five-stars, and every year they find new and creative ways to choke when it actually matters. But the media never learns. They feed the hype, Penn State fans drink it, and by Halloween it’s the same story. Out of the race, waiting for another “next year.”

You’d think after a decade of this people would stop falling for it. But nope. The “experts” just reload the same talking points and act like it’s new information. “They’ve got all the tools!” Yeah, and they still have the same coach who can’t win big games. It’s like watching a rerun of a bad show and pretending it’s a premiere.

Here’s the real issue: preseason rankings mean absolutely nothing. They’re built on perception, not performance. It’s not about who’s good, it’s about who sounds good. Who gets clicks. Who looks good on a graphic. The media knows what they’re doing. They hype the same teams every year because it’s safe. Texas. Penn State. Notre Dame. It’s brand power. If one of them catches fire, the “expert” gets to flex on social media and clip that one soundbite where they said “Watch out for Texas.” If they’re wrong, they just move on and make new excuses.

The truth is, these rankings shape everything. They affect betting lines, recruiting buzz, and playoff perception for the rest of the year. A team that starts ranked fifth can lose early and still hang around the top 10 because of “preseason expectations.” Meanwhile, an unranked team has to fight twice as hard to get noticed. All because a bunch of media guys guessed wrong in August.

You want to fix it? Simple. No official rankings until after Week 4. Let teams actually play football before you crown them. By that point, you’ll know who’s real and who’s just media fluff. You’ll see which quarterbacks can handle pressure and which coaches can actually adjust. You’ll get real data instead of preseason guesswork dressed up as expert analysis.

Right now, we’ve got guys sitting on TV treating Twitter buzz like scouting reports. Week 0 hype should stay on the timeline, not in the AP poll. The current system rewards the loudest talkers, not the smartest ones. It’s not analysis, it’s performance art with a budget.

And make no mistake, the “experts” know exactly what they’re doing. They play both sides. If they’re right, they go viral. If they’re wrong, they pivot. It’s a rigged game where the scoreboard never counts against them.

I’m not saying preseason chatter should disappear. Fans love arguing about it, and that’s fine. But stop pretending these people know what they’re talking about. They don’t. They’re entertainers, not analysts. They build narratives, not rankings.

So the next time you see Texas or Penn State sitting in the Top 5 before a single snap, don’t fall for it. It’s not analysis, it’s marketing. The real rankings start when the pads start popping and the excuses run out. Until then, remember this. The media isn’t predicting college football. They’re selling it. And you’re the customer.