Three of the NHL’s most popular teams are severely underperforming expectations and to be honest it’s not all that shocking. Time for a little bit of a Festivus to celebrate, or jeer, these losers.
Edmonton Oilers:
The sports biggest loser resides in Edmonton; his name is Connor McDavid. McDavid had dreams of becoming like the 90s Buffalo Bills and losing as many championship finals as possible, only problem is his team may not even qualify for the postseason. As big of a hater as I am, and I am obese in my hatred, I couldn’t have even dreamed that the Oilers would only have 5 wins in regulation two days before American Thanksgiving. If the Nashville Predators weren’t such a dumpster fire, that would be tied for the low mark in the league. Truly incredible stuff going on in Edmonton. This team has given up the most goals in the entire NHL which isn’t shocking since Stan Bowman decided to completely neglect the goaltending position. Word on the street is they are waiting for the 30-game mark to make any decisions which is possibly the most insane thing I have ever heard. Does this team really need six more games to figure out that the goaltending isn’t going to lead them to the promised land? Were the last two Stanley Cup Playoff runs not enough data to go off? Personally, I am all for the mismanagement of this roster because it props up my argument of McDavid being a gigantic loser but holy shit you gotta feel for the Edmonton fans. This team is expected to outscore their problems constantly, but the supporting cast just isn’t good enough to do so. The issues are plentiful in Edmonton: Trent Frederic’s contract should have got someone thrown in jail, Adam Henrique and Mattias Ekholm have struggled as veteran presences, and Nugent-Hopkins is hurt making the addition of Hyman back to the lineup really a net neutral. Then you have the conundrum of Darnell Nurse, he holds an objectively bad contract, but he’s still the name everyone floats around as trade bait for any number of goalies. Nurse is also one of McDavid’s best friends on the team, so even if Nurse would sign off on a trade (full no trade clause), and a team was interested in him, do you think McDavid would be on board with such a move? It’s just so hard to imagine the calvary coming in Edmonton. It’s very hard to trust a GM who once traded Trevor Daley for Rob Scuderi (not the good version from 2009), Bowman did help Chicago win a couple cups, but he also created near irreparable harm to that franchise. While it’s hard to trust Bowman, luckily it may prove impossible for him to do anything as they are hampered with trade protections, little to no futures, and no cap space. McDavid’s team friendly deal will allow them some flexibility after the season but that does jack shit for the current 2025-2026 season. But hey, maybe Jordan Binnington (one of the only goalies performing worse than Skinner this season) will come save the day. Also, I don’t want to hear all the McDavid groupies saying, “But Mr. Brooks McDavid is second in the league in points he’s doing his part!!!!!!!!!!!” if an assist in an 8-3 loss to Dallas gets your underwear crusty you are beyond repair.
Toronto Maple Leafs:
Last year the Maple Leaf’s traded 2x1sts, Fraser Minten, and Nikita Grebenkin for Brandon Carlo and Scott Laughton. Mikko Rantanen (from Carolina), Seth Jones AND Brad Marchand, Noah Dobson, and K’Andre Miller were all moved for similar packages. If this team had a 100 point defensively sound winger, I could really get behind the Carlo/Laughton moves since they both came with term, only problem is they let that winger go to Vegas in free agency. The Toronto fans and media constantly misplace their blame. Dubas was not without mistakes, every GM makes mistakes, but keeping the core 4 was definitely the correct move (also if Covid didn’t happen those contracts would’ve aged beautifully). Thankfully, they replaced Dubas with Treliving who was coming off his masterful performance of ruining the Calgary Flames (this may have been a broader Calgary issue, but he was still the man in charge). Treliving has appealed to the fans, he got rid of their other blame merchant Mitch Marner. Marner was a homegrown kid and wanted nothing more than to bring a Stanley Cup back home. The fans turned on him and was subsequently replaced with Mattias Maccelli, Nicholas Roy, and Michael Pezzetta. Shockingly, three career bottom of the lineup players have not been able to efficiently replace a perennial all-star and a Team Canada shoe-in. Head Coach Berube was also brought in, and the hope was he would sure up the defensive side of the game and create a more playoff-esque attitude. The goaltending went on a heater last year and had people beleafing that this new hard to play against scheme was the key to success. In reality Berube, in conjunction with Treliving, have made this team slower and stole all of their offensive glitter. It’s now at a point where they constantly get dominated at even strength and they are reluctant to moving out any futures because the writing may be on the wall. Leaf’s fans are a worse than the bubonic plague, they seek to constantly destroy the very thing they love the most and I think they have finally completed that task.
New York Rangers
Does Chris Drury have a brain? Last season Drury made the brilliant decision to send a memo out to the league that he is willing to trade Trouba and Kreider, he succeeded and both players now reside on the red-hot Anaheim Ducks. The memo effectively derailed their entire season; he publicly called out the team captain and a guy who would have become the most prolific goal scorer had he remained. Drury also decided to not only trade for JT Miller but name him team captain mere months after he was ostracized from Vancouver for harboring one of the most dysfunctional locker rooms in NHL history. Drury expected Sullivan to be a cure all without realizing his roster is eerily similar to the Penguins just without the bevvy of 1st ballot hall of famers and unsurprisingly the results have been similar to the end of Sullivan’s tenure in Pittsburgh. JT Miller has been a disaster. Igor Shesterkin is the only reason this team can win games. Outside of signing Gavrikov, which seems to currently be okay, everything else he did was shit. Juuso Parssinen got a 2-year contract and was put on waivers yesterday. Adam Edstrom and Matt Rempe, the only other signings, have combined for 5 points. Alexis Lafreniere is a 40-point player who is in year 1 of 7 at nearly an 8-million-dollar cap hit. The upcoming free agent class is basically non-existent, and they are bound to lose Artemi Panarin. Sullivan would prefer Conor Sheary in the lineup instead of Gabe Perreault or Brendan Ottman. Of the three teams discussed, the Blue Shirts are easily in the most disarray. They are bottom five in goals scored, their core is old, and outside of two picks in the upcoming draft they aren’t necessarily stocked with picks. At least Edmonton and Toronto have some of the most elite offensive talent in the league. The Rangers need to radically change up this team because outside of Fox and Shesterkin, there is just nothing that inspires any hope. Also, I don’t care if you’ve been injured all year if you are the team captain you cannot be caught being a straight legged fuck like JT Miller was last week. Sullivan has to be the Wolverine meme looking at a picture of Sidney Crosby every night.
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