Tate McRae, the world’s new Britney Spears, is allegedly dating New Jersey Devils star Jack Hughes. Jack Hughes plays for a miserable hockey team. McRae is familiar with dating hockey players on horrible hockey teams as she was previously linked with Columbus’ Cole Sillinger. Tate McRae is simply too attractive and too famous to associate herself with such deplorable losers. Luckily, the Pittsburgh Penguins exist and have several viable suitors for Miss McRae. Conor Dewar scored a beautiful breakaway goal last night, beating goalie Jake Allen right through the wickets. No one can go in and out of the box quite like Dewar, finishing right in the five-hole. McRae, an alleged puck bunny, seems like that is exactly the type of guy she needs (and deserves). Dewar is deployed on the best 4th line in all of hockey, his team has won 6 straight, and he hasn’t recently hurt his hand with a butter knife at a restaurant like Jack.

Let’s face it, Tate McRae simply cannot be dating a man whose team has been outscored 16-2 in their last three games. Do you really think Taylor Swift would have stuck around with Travis if the Chiefs stopped being a wagon as soon as their relationship started? Absolutely not. I cannot imagine Tate is built any different, she doesn’t want to spend her days in the armpit of America watching a sad sorry excuse of the game she loves. She wants to witness greatness. She is a Sidney Crosby fan, as any Canadian should be.

I don’t believe a second of the alleged rumors percolating around the Ottawa Senators and their goalie Linus Ullmark being banished from the team for outing himself, and his teammates, for all cheating on the road. However, while I don’t believe the rumors, I know for a fact that Conor Dewar would never do such a thing to the lovely Tate McRae. A guy who was a third-round pick, banished to the minors last season, and worked his way back to the NHL knows not to squander an opportunity at a woman of this magnitude. Jack Hughes on the other hand can’t say any of that. He was spoonfed his entire time in the league. Not only that, but he might also have (allegedly) cheated on model Sienna Raine to shoot his shot with McRae. You lose ’em how you get ’em Tate. Before I dive more into hockey, I wrote this entire thing as an excuse to link some Tate McRae smut in the blog.

As for strictly hockey, the Penguins are a wagon. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that they win the division. They are currently six points back of the Hurricanes who have played two more games than the Penguins. Their playoff odds looked like Gamestop’s stock in 2020, way up, way down, and way way back up to 66.6% (per moneypuck). When the holiday break occurred, the playoff odds were 30%. A small heater in the East can cause seismic shifts in playoff odds, though I wouldn’t consider a six-game winning streak small.

The Penguins tried out a new line last night of Malkin-Kindel-Chinakov. Malkin seemed out of sorts in the first, almost disgruntled he was moved to wing. As the game wore on, Geno got more comfortable with the new line, and they started to create a bevy of good chances. I still believe that they are best to put Malkin in the middle between Brazeau and Mantha, but for a few more games maybe see if this new line can create any momentum. If it’s determined that Geno should reunite with the big boy line, I would seriously implore Dubas to trade Novak. Phil Danault had 5 points in 30 games and was traded for a 2nd round pick. Novak, with a reasonable contract and good production, could net you a return that can both help the team now and in the future. Plus, once McGroarty comes back from his concussion the team will simply have too many viable forward options.

Sidney Crosby quietly passed Wayne Gretzky in most assists with a single franchise last night. He is really an ageless wonder. Over two decades as a top 10 player in the league. Completely fascinating. Unlike Gretzky, Crosby did this against goalies who are actively trying to stop the puck, a salary cap, and his peers weren’t plumbers. If I have one game I need to win, I am taking Sid over number 99 every single day of the week. Mario might be the GOAT, but his protege isn’t too far behind.

Up next for the Penguins will be back-to-back games against the Flames and Bruins. This is a clear opportunity to stretch this winning streak to eight games. Maybe that will be enough to get McRae’s attention for Mr. Dewar.