A tale as old as time, Sidney Crosby and his team shit-stomp the lowly Philadelphia Flyers. Crosby was unsurprisingly the game’s first star, finishing with a goal and an assist in what was a huge four-point divisional game.

It was so blatantly obvious that the Penguins would destroy the across state little brother. The Flyers had played the night before, were starting potentially the worst backup goaltender in the league, and the Flyers simply suck ass right now. The Flyers enjoyed a good second period but still left the period down 4-1. I could not have been any less impressed with that team. They showed absolutely no skill, nor speed, all night. The Penguins were able to freely breakout of the zone whenever they wanted without even the tiniest fear of being impeded. I swear to God, I have no idea if the Flyers actually threw a body check. It was a straight bullying and beatdown by the Penguins.

Would Blake Lizotte be the best player on the Flyers? He immediately popped into my mind after I typed the word beatdown because he beat the piss out of fat boy Michkov. Lizotte threw a huge open ice hit, fat boy tried to stick up for his teammate and got promptly pummeled.

Oh, and Lizotte scored a goal (originally awarded to Acciari). He signed a new 3 year 2.25M contract recently and he hasn’t slowed down one bit. Honestly, he would have been the best player on the Flyers roster last night, what a sad excuse for a hockey team.

There’s been a directive at HMM to be more opinionated in the blogs, less breakdowns. That is difficult for this game because it is not an opinionated statement to say the Flyers are absolute garbage. It’s also not opinionated to state that Sidney Crosby is their daddy. Given those facts, not opinions, it makes this a rather difficult blog to write.

The Flyers have lost their last five games being outscored 25-9. That is the definition of absolute garbage. Sidney Crosby has scored 139 points against the Flyers, that is the definition of daddy. Same as it has been, same as it always will be. The Penguins are 7-2-1 since Christmas, yet another fact. That fact supports that the Penguins are simply good.

Here’s an opinion… I would rather have Stuuuuuuuuuuuuu instead of Jarry. Stu since acclimating to Pittsburgh, and getting new pads, has been lights out. He’s been under a goal and half GAA since Christmas. Last night he was incredible in the second period when the Penguins started to look mediocre. It is insane that Dubas was able to acquire a healthy, seemingly better, and cheaper goalie for Jarry. Not only that, but he also got a 2nd pairing defenseman who has turned Letang’s entire season around. Oh, and he got a 2nd round pick. Dubas is better than the GM for whatever team you root for, yet another fact.

Let’s quickly check in on Jarry (now that he is back from yet another injury).

Everything is well in the Burgh. The Flyers suck. The Steelers killed John Harbaugh and Ravens. They also ridded themselves of Tomlin which will allow for growth. The Pirates traded for an all-star this offseason (though this doesn’t matter because baseball is so broken… Tucker signed with the Dodgers last night). However, the Penguins are still top dog in this city. Despite expectations, the Penguins have a real opportunity to win the Metro division. Evgeni Malkin has returned from injury and hasn’t slowed down from the start of the season. Sidney Crosby is timeless. Ben Kindel is 18 years old, living with Nick Bonino (3rd line version of Sid/Mario).

They ice the best fourth line hockey. What was thought to be the worst D-core in the league has been exceedingly steady. They have several young guys who deserve NHL time but can’t make it into the lineup due to the performances of the more veteran players the Penguins deploy. The three best free agent signings in the NHL were Mantha, Brazeau, and Wotherspoon. It has got to the point where the playoffs are not a pipe dream but rather an expectation. Those again are all just facts. Also, anyone talking or writing about trading Evgeni Malkin can shut the fuck up, he isn’t going anywhere and that too is fact.

The fans in Pittsburgh were great last night. I brought two people to their first hockey game; they loved the atmosphere. By the end, they were both chanting “Flyer’s suck.” Unlike the bad people of Philadelphia, when we chant something sucks in Pittsburgh, we do it correctly. See, in Philly they have daddy issues. They constantly chant that Crosby sucks, he constantly spanks them.

Next up for the Penguins are the Blue Jackets. Another game against a little brother. The Jackets are showing strong after a new coach bump, but it’s time for that mirage to end. I’m sure Sidney Crosby will have no problem showing another team that he is in fact their daddy.