NFL analysis

Derrick Henry isn’t getting an Adam Sandler cameo this year. Let’s just be real about it. Sandler said he’d put the King in one of his movies if he ran for 2,000 yards this season. It was funny, it was cool, it gave everyone something to root for. But unless Henry goes full Madden-glitch for...

The Cleveland Browns and Dillon Gabriel just got their teeth kicked in by the Pittsburgh Steelers, 23 to 9. This wasn’t one of those “closer than it looked” games either. From the first snap, the Browns looked lost, unprepared, and flat-out uninterested. Aaron Rodgers diced them up for 235 yards and two touchdowns while the...

The League That Fines Towels but Can’t Own Its Own ScrewupsThe NFL will fine a player for wearing the wrong sock, the wrong cleat, or for celebrating like a human being and blast it to the public like it’s saving the planet. But when their own damn broadcast rig literally hits the ball and ruins...

Let’s just get right to it. The Baltimore Ravens got absolutely embarrassed today. The Texans walked into their house, kicked their feet up on the couch, raided the fridge, and beat them 44 to 10. That wasn’t football. That was a public undressing. It looked like a varsity squad scrimmaging against the local JV team....

The Cincinnati Bengals are the biggest joke in the NFL right now. Forget “Who Dey.” It’s “Who Cares.” This team is unserious in every sense of the word. They are built like a middle schooler’s Madden franchise: dump all your cap money into three shiny toys, Burrow, Chase, and Higgins, then pray the rest of...

I hate the New York Giants. Not because they lose games. I hate them because they make choices so obviously wrong that they permanently overinflate my ego. Every time their front office pulls a move any halfway informed fan can see will fail, it makes me think I could walk into an NFL front office...