The Cincinnati Bengals are the biggest joke in the NFL right now. Forget “Who Dey.” It’s “Who Cares.” This team is unserious in every sense of the word. They are built like a middle schooler’s Madden franchise: dump all your cap money into three shiny toys, Burrow, Chase, and Higgins, then pray the rest of the roster magically works itself out. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

And guess what? It looks great for jersey sales. Burrow jerseys are everywhere, Chase highlights get millions of views, Higgins makes fantasy players happy. But when it comes to actually winning games and putting together a real football roster, this team is softer than wet tissue.

Look at what just happened. Monday night in Denver was a crime scene. The Broncos beat them down 28 to 3. Cincinnati got outgained 512 yards to 159. Read that again, 159 yards of offense in a league where teams are dropping 400 like it’s nothing. They had 11 penalties. They looked completely unprepared. And the only points they put up came from a sympathy field goal. That’s not football, that’s cosplay.

Now, yes, Burrow is hurt. Turf toe surgery. He is out. Fine. Injuries happen. But when you are allegedly a contender, you plan for that. You have a “break glass in case of emergency” option ready. The Bengals? Their emergency plan was Jake Browning. A guy who’s bounced around practice squads, and it shows. Through two starts, he’s thrown 3 touchdowns and 5 picks. Against Denver he had 125 passing yards. That’s a high school stat line. This is the guy the Bengals put their season on.

And here’s the kicker: after watching Browning melt down against Minnesota two weeks ago, they had options. They could have picked up the phone and called the Giants about Russell Wilson or Jameis Winston. Or called Atlanta about Kirk Cousins. Not perfect guys, but better than rolling with Browning into a buzzsaw. Instead, they did what they always do, nothing. They sat on their hands, acted like Burrow was magically walking through that tunnel again, and let their season die on live television.

That’s why they’re unserious. A real franchise sees the window closing and makes a move. The Bengals see the window closing and start selling more t-shirts.

It’s the same story with their payroll. Go look at Spotrac. Burrow, Chase, Higgins, massive money. After that? Crickets. No depth, no balance, no plan. They’ve got a defense that gets bullied, an O-line that looks like turnstiles, and no backup QB worth a damn. But hey, the Pro Shop is buzzing, so mission accomplished.

This is where Cincinnati fans always try to jump in with “But we made the Super Bowl in 2021!” Cool. So what? That was three years ago, and the front office learned absolutely nothing from it. Instead of building depth, they doubled down on star power and let the rest rot. That’s how you end up here, looking like the Washington Generals in prime time.

And don’t get it twisted: coaching deserves blame too. Zac Taylor hasn’t shown he can scheme around adversity. But the bigger issue is upstairs. This front office operates like they are running a merch booth at a concert. They don’t build rosters, they build marketing campaigns. The brand matters more than the record.

That’s why they will never be taken seriously. Because serious teams make aggressive calls when their season’s slipping away. They shuffle the money around, they find a veteran, they change the plan. The Bengals shrug, throw another “Burrow and Chase” graphic on Instagram, and call it a day.

Here’s the truth: this team isn’t competing for a Lombardi anymore. They’re competing for jersey sales. And until they stop treating the NFL like a side hustle and start acting like a franchise with actual contingency planning, they’re going to keep embarrassing themselves on national TV.

The Bengals have the talent. No one is denying that. But talent without depth, without structure, without a backup plan is just noise. And right now, all Cincinnati has is noise. They’re unserious. They’re laughable. And until they grow up and start acting like a real football organization, that’s all they will ever be.

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