Win and secure your spot. That is what is in front of the Pittsburgh Penguins today. They have put themselves in a spot where they completely control their destiny. From a season that began with expectations of Gavin McKenna to scoring at a franchise historical rate and having home ice in the first round. It has been a special season, to say the least, and it can continue deeper into April with a single win over the New Jersey Devils tonight.
If the Penguins were to win tonight, they will likely face an old foe in the first round. It seemed almost guaranteed that they would see the Islanders in the first round. All season those two were jousting for 2nd/3rd in the Metro. Then Columbus looked like the opponent and even seemed like they would have home ice. Both of those teams unsurprisingly wilted and pissed down their legs. Honestly, I can’t blame them, why would anyone willingly sign up to face Sidney Crosby’s return to the postseason? It goes beyond Sid though, Karlsson is looking for his first cup, and his play is simply above anyone else’s on defense right now. Some team was going to have to find more motivation than Evgeni Malkin who might be playing for a contract or retirement in the postseason. This is a team who no one should want to play because they not only have the skill to beat anyone but they’re going to be more motivated than anyone else too.
Essentially what I’m saying is you would have to be a rather stupid franchise to sign up to play these Pittsburgh Penguins in the first round. There are a decent number of dumb franchises in the NHL; the Rangers, the Maple Leafs, and the Oilers to name a few. However, none of those teams have the opportunity to face Pittsburgh in round one. Only one team will have the chance, and it just so happens to be the dumbest organization in the NHL, maybe the dumbest in sports, the Philadelphia Flyers. These idiots have boo’d Crosby for 21 years and for 21 years he has battered and abused them. During his rookie season bum ass Derian Hatcher knocked out Sid’s front two teeth and he has responded by knocking the figurative teeth out of that second-rate organization ever since. Maybe Crosby’s fifth postseason asskicking of the Flyers will show them that he definitively does not suck. I mean the guy has put up 36 points in 23 playoff games against their sorry team. Oh, he also has 139 points in 93 regular season games. He hates them and he wastes no opportunity proving it. This isn’t some fans retcon, he truly hates this team and wants to punish them every single time they share the ice.
There will certainly be some morons out there who honestly believe the Flyers can beat a Sidney Crosby this motivated. It nearly killed him (and me) to miss the playoffs the past three years. He had a gold medal stolen from him by Radko Gudas just two months ago too. All he wants it his name etched into their 35 pound oversized drinking vessel one more time and people out there really think he would let the Flyers stop him? Absolutely not. What exactly are the Flyers going to do? They aren’t going to intimidate this team. You think puny Trevor Zegras is going to try his pest shit with Elmer Soderblom patiently waiting to toss him around like Hulk did to Loki in the avengers? Zegras is more likely to be sent to a mental institution than he is to have an impact in this series. Who exactly is going to stop Sid? Couturier is washed and Rasmus fucking Ristolanien is their shutdown defensemen. You think Dan Vladar is going to look Sid in the eyes and not blink? Get the hell out of here with any of that. I won’t even remotely entertain the possibility of Philadelphia winning this series. I know most of this blog has focused on Sid and his unwavering obsession with destroying the Eastern Pennsylvania hockey team, but the Penguins are simply world’s better than this team top to bottom. I don’t want to hear anything about Porter Martone or that fat pig Matvei Michkov, Ben Kindel hockeymogs both of them. Alex Bump (who?) is supposed to provide the secondary scoring of Anthony Mantha? LOL. The Penguins might legitimately have four lines better than whatever Philadelphia throws out onto the ice. I know Vladar has been good recently but honest to god the Penguins might have found an opponent that they even have the goaltending advantage over. Instead of Skinner versus Sorokin they are getting a Calgary Flame backup castaway in Dan Vladar, what incredible luck.
These aren’t the Broadstreet bullies anymore. They are softer than Charmin. They will give off the impression that they are still the weasels everyone believes them to be, but when the chips are down, they will run into their hole and stay there. There isn’t much more need for analysis of this potential series than that to be honest. The Penguins will skate them into submission, and if they can’t they’ll just beat them into submission because the Penguins have advantages in every aspect of this great game.
Oh, and yes, Trevor Zegras is still a pussy.
